By the Betrayed

I am sitting down and writing. I'm not sure how this will all come out in words on my computer screen but I am going to let my mind empty and my fingers fly.

A couple of weeks ago a friend called me and expressed to me some concerns she had. She was involved in a conversation when the topic somehow turned to me. She said she felt guilty for sitting there, listening, not saying anything about the fact that I wasn't there and they probably shouldn't be speaking about me. I appreciated her call. It would have been so much easier for her to say nothing to me and, most likely, I would have never found out.

The problem is, the things that were discussed were very personal and very intimate and not just only about me, but about my family. I shared these things a couple of years ago seeking help and support and I was very careful with whom I shared with. So, when this friend told me that these things were discussed I was so hurt and scared and shocked.

I want to protect the people whose names are involved.
It's not fair to them.

I reached out to one family member and told him what had happened. I told him that I couldn't guarantee that this would be the end of his story being spread. He said he understood but he seemed weary.

It broke my heart.

When this all happened a couple of years ago, this person encouraged me to reach out to others but he trusted that I would reach out to those who would honor him and his part in my trauma.

What do I do?

People will say to me, "Alice, you need to work on trusting people. I know you were hurt and betrayed but you can't let that ruin how you move forward in relationships."

Being betrayed by someone who understands betrayal is confusing.

Having trust broken by someone who understands how fragile and delicate trust is after a broken heart is devastating.

I need to remember that I carry many secrets and sacred stories of others lives in my heart. I need to remember that these lives aren't topics to be carelessly discussed with others. These stories are our lives, the lives of our loved ones, our most vulnerable selves.

Mother's Day Performance Spectacular

Mr. Wonderful is an amazing performer.  He puts together the most spectacular birthday celebrations, gifts and surprises. But his best holiday accomplishments seem to fall on Mother's Day.  What a day for me.  He makes it the best most relaxing day by taking care of our 3 beautiful children and just spoiling me.

I almost can't wait for tomorrow.

Mother's Day Performance of a Lifetime! 

Oh, before you get jealous of my wonderful performing husband… did I mention that he is sleeping on the couch?  Oh crap, now back to my reality I suppose… yes, Mr. Wonderful did a little confessing today that went a long with a tad bit of lying so… my marriage isn't fun or happy or blissful by any means…

but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy Mother's Day and the performance of a lifetime right?

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL OF MY WARRIOR SISTERS AND WoPA's.

I LOVE YOU.

"Who Are You?"

It is not my job to understand you.

It is not my job to approve of you.

It is my job to accept you.

It is my job to love you.

And I do.

-Alice

"I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.

"The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

"It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"

"The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, 'Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either.'

"Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?" 

Everything changed in an instant.

The following is from Stephen Covey's book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

            

Healing is Born

This is a collection of stories, letters and resources from WoPAs (wives of porn/sex addicts) to be shared with one another and with our friends, loved ones and anyone seeking to understand our experiences. These are our own experiences -- in our own words. Owning our individual stories and loving ourselves through the process -- this is where healing is born.

http://owningourstories.blogspot.com/