Wednesday, March 25, 2015

A Day to Erase



Today my 7 year old daughter was molested. 
The story is long and the details are confusing. 

The 15 year old boy that molested her has special needs. 

It is complicated but it never should have happened. 

It was preventable. 

***UPDATED 12/2015***
As I go back through my writings that I never published my blood boils so much at the entire day. 
I have to edit most of this original entree. 

My daughter is strong. 
She spoke up immediately. 
She talks about things openly. 
She is beautifully healing. 

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Monday, March 23, 2015

Ironic Honesty


For so long I have begged for honesty.
No matter how cruel or painful or disgusting or impossible honesty seemed, I begged for it.

As honesty becomes more consistent for Mr. Wonderful it becomes less painful for me.
Currently it is a part of our lives and our marriage.

However, sometimes honesty stings me like the day I found out about Mr. Wonderful's addiction.
It comes out of nowhere and rips my heart apart.

It is so random.

Today Mr. Wonderful was watching a video that I am in.
The video was made public today and it is currently on an addiction recovery site.
It exposes Mr. Wonderful and his addiction.
He was more than supportive for me to participate... now that I think about it, he was more excited for me to participate than I was!

Anyway, back to my story.

Today Mr. Wonderful was watching this vulnerable video and afterwards, I asked him if there was anyone in particular that he was nervous about finding it and viewing it.

His answer...
An ex-girlfriend.

He was concerned that a specific ex-girlfriend would find the video and discover that he wasn't the perfect man he led her to believe that he was.
He was concerned that a specific ex-girlfriend may realize that what seemed like a teenage heartbreak, was actually a blessing as the man of her dreams was an addict in disguise.
He was concerned that this specific ex-girlfriend would express a sigh of relief when she realized that  by the Grace of God she was spared major heartbreak and betrayal from Mr. Wonderful.

I beg for honesty and Mr. Wonderful was honest.

And his honesty hurt like hell.

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Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Spinning

My life feels like it's spinning out of control.

- Oldest child is out of control. Mean.

- I am feeling hardening towards Mr. Wonderful to protect myself from him.

- Togetherness 
- Middle child getting over looked. 
- I am hating my body.

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