No matter how cruel or painful or disgusting or impossible honesty seemed, I begged for it.
As honesty becomes more consistent for Mr. Wonderful it becomes less painful for me.
Currently it is a part of our lives and our marriage.
However, sometimes honesty stings me like the day I found out about Mr. Wonderful's addiction.
It comes out of nowhere and rips my heart apart.
It is so random.
Today Mr. Wonderful was watching a video that I am in.
The video was made public today and it is currently on an addiction recovery site.
It exposes Mr. Wonderful and his addiction.
He was more than supportive for me to participate... now that I think about it, he was more excited for me to participate than I was!
Anyway, back to my story.
Today Mr. Wonderful was watching this vulnerable video and afterwards, I asked him if there was anyone in particular that he was nervous about finding it and viewing it.
His answer...
An ex-girlfriend.
He was concerned that a specific ex-girlfriend would find the video and discover that he wasn't the perfect man he led her to believe that he was.
He was concerned that a specific ex-girlfriend may realize that what seemed like a teenage heartbreak, was actually a blessing as the man of her dreams was an addict in disguise.
He was concerned that this specific ex-girlfriend would express a sigh of relief when she realized that by the Grace of God she was spared major heartbreak and betrayal from Mr. Wonderful.
I beg for honesty and Mr. Wonderful was honest.
And his honesty hurt like hell.
I love you braveheart!♡
ReplyDeleteI love YOU braveheart!
DeleteI love you braveheart!♡
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry :( I wish he'd better work on loving himself so his major deep rooted insecurities about himself quit biting you in the ass :(
ReplyDeleteI keep telling my husband that honesty doesn't mean I won't hurt or that I'll automatically trust him. As if the act of being honest itself will erase the thing they are being honest about. Nope, huh uh! LOYALTY to me means I won't hurt. Honesty lets me know whether or not he's safe to connect with.
ReplyDeleteAnd while honesty definitely helps reduce crazy making, if the thing they are being honest about is painful (i.e., a slip, lust, loyalty to others above you, resentment towards you, etc) then it's going to hurt. In those situations you can trust he'll be honest, you just can't trust that he'll be (safe, loyal, compassionate, loving, etc). Why is that so hard for them to understand?
I hate those ironic honesties. I'm sorry you have to go through so much pain.
Right?!! It's such a strange concept. Honesty is the RIGHT thing to do but it can also cut like a knife. If you are honest it doesn't take the pain away so deal with the consequences buddy! You said it perfectly, honesty does reduce crazy making and that is priceless, but it doesn't make the pain go away.
DeleteOh wow! Why don't they find a filter? You shine so brightly through your bravery. I hope you can catch all the love that is coming your way from sharing this piece of you.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Your words are so kind and motivating. :)
Deletethank you for this post. i would love to see the video but i get the whole anonymity thing. i'm sorry you found out a little bit more of the icky story in a not so fun way.
ReplyDeleteI have been MIA and I am so sorry I haven't responded to your comment! I am happy to send you the link to my video... although it does "reveal" me! But I trust you... WHOA, I actually can trust people :)
DeleteI have been dealing with wanting honest but not wanting it at the same time. It truly does hurt like hell.
ReplyDeleteYou are courageous beyond your vision to see it. I admire and love you.
I admire and love you more!
DeleteThank you! :)
ReplyDelete