I swore I would NEVER have another separation in my life... EVER. I swore that the 8 month separation back in 2010 would be the only time Mr. Wonderful and I would have to sit down with our wide-eyed carefree kids and explain to them that their parents need space to
In 2010 when reconciling after our separation I remember telling Mr. Wonderful, "this is it, if we can't make this work we are divorcing because I don't believe in separating for convenience and confusing our kids"... and now, well...
Mr. Wonderful moved out on Monday. I asked him to. He was cordial and somewhat understanding.
He knows that he has hurt me on a indescribable level. He gets that. He doesn't think he can help it so he wishes I was just strong enough to understand when he tells me he resents me for not being "the hottest" but he understands how that
So, we are breathing.
I am breathing.
Or maybe I will start breathing in a few days or weeks because right now I'm finding it pretty difficult to breath.
Mr. Wonderful, why? why?? WHY??? can't you love me?
WHY?
Just love me.
Just let me be enough.
or just get some courage and confidence Alice and stop caring if he loves you or not...
I'm so sorry. We've currently been separated over a year and I think the exact same thing. I can't keep doing this to my kids, it has to be one way or the other. And as much as he's trying, I can't keep being treated so poorly forever. Ugh. So hard. Tears for you. Also hugs.
ReplyDeleteMK... how do we keep going on? How do we survive this?
DeleteOf course you care! You're human... and not a sociopath. Who wouldn't care about words/actions like that? It takes courage to share and be vulnerable and allow yourself to feel, not to be dishonest and say you don't feel. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds SO hard! Hugs from me too.
ReplyDeleteAnnette, thank you. I needed to hear that it is more than okay to feel. Sometimes I wish I was a sociopath... just kidding... kind of!!! Thank you for reading and thank you for empathizing. My friends here mean the world to me.
DeleteOh my sweet friend. My heart breaks for you. My soul weeps for you. Separation sucks. Its awful the first time and every other time. I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThank you dear friend.
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ReplyDeleteI love that you aren't going anywhere. I love it. And I need it.
DeleteOh Alice my heart breaks with you! Im so sorry hes....he's ahhh SUCH A FREAKING &@!#$=! BOOGER!
ReplyDeleteI admit I used to do what he does :( It was horrible. I would try and do this with any guy that I thought was TOO good looking for me. I would treat them like crap and tell them that I just wasn't attracted to them but thought they had a "cool personality" and turn around and say innocently "Hey, I'm just being honest" (because they can't get upset for me just being honest, right?!?) , allll so that it seemed like iiiiiii was the one that was too good for THEM. And sadly.....
It actually worked. Talk about crazy jedi mind manipulation. It kept them "in their place" so that they never could come to the realization that I felt I actually wasnt good enough for them.
I call it Little Dog Syndrome. I puffed myself all big, powerful, and mighty, to cover up the fact that I was insecure, inadequate, and not good enough.
I am so sorry Alice. I love you. I want to kick him.
Dobble Addy, I love your fire! And I love your honesty. I even love that you can relate to Mr. Wonderful because I know you and therefore I know that it is possible to change. I love you to the moon and back. xoxoxoxo
DeleteWTF. Can I say that here? WTF?! I am so sorry he said that to you! :( Sending you ginormous hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou can say that here anonymous. You can say whatever the hell you want to say here... there are ZERO rules. I love your fire, I love your anger FOR me... I can feel it and it strengths me. You have my loyalty anonymous... and I don't even know who you are!
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