it's not fair

Mr. Wonderful is a sex addict.  

I wanted to do everything in my power to give my kids the best chance they had at not being sex addicts.

So I asked.

I asked Mr. Wonderful what he thought would have helped him better as a child and a teenager.  I asked the professionals what the best things were to help my kids navigate their natural hormones, learn about healthy sexuality, and avoid pornography.  I asked the wives and moms of sex addicts what they thought the best avenues were when trying to talk and teach children.  I asked coaches and bishops and teachers and leaders.  I read books and articles and went to seminars and conferences on the topic.

I learned a lot.

And then came the part where I applied the things I learned. 

We took away the shame as we had/have open discussions about pornography and healthy sexuality.  We talk about natural hormones and what that feels like and what looks like.  We talk about respect and consent and accountability.  We read all of the books that were recommended to us with each child individually (Good Pictures Bad Pictures, 30Days of Sex Talks, Growing Up, etc... {all fabulous books by the way}).  We talked as a family and together set up internet and device filters to help prevent exposures.  We lovingly listen without reacting when our kids do come to us with problems and issues regarding pornography and sex {this one is so hard to do because inside I am SCREAMING in fear}.

WE DO EVERYTHING WE WERE TAUGHT TO DO… and it doesn’t seem to be working.

I find myself feeling a little hopeless, maybe even victim-y.
  
One of my children are struggling with pornography.  Some may even say that he is addicted.  I think that he is addicted.  I can’t believe I am having to go through this as a mom after experiencing it as a wife.  

I just need to sit here and feel sorry for myself for a bit. 

It’s not fair.

The Innocent

I have a question.

This question is coming from the same place this post came from.

Recently I asked who, if anyone, you fellow WoPA's (wife of porn/sex addicts) have told about your husbands (boyfriend/fiancé/partner/etc.)  addiction.  I received a lot of great feedback.  From what I received, most of you have reached out in one way or another and most of you had pleasant experiences and most of you didn't regret who you told.

So here's my next question... what about the kids?

Have any of you shared with your children?  If so, please share your experiences.  How old are your children?  Did you regret your decision?  How did your child/children respond?

OR

Did you decide not to share with your children?  If so, what lead you to this decision?  Do you ever plan on sharing this with your children?

This is such a sensitive topic for our children.  I feel like we can help each other by sharing our experiences.

***Random note.  I received most comments from the other post privately (through email or Facebook) so I was privy to a lot of helpful information.  However, if you feel comfortable, please leave your comments here - under this post - so others can benefit from your experience.  You can always leave your comment anonymously.  Of course, if you don't feel comfortable sharing here, I still want to hear from you privately.***

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Breakdown

This stuff with my little girl is killing me.

I am so helpless in all of this. I feel like things are always “unique” and I can't ever find a place to express my anger. I am not allowed to be mad at "the boy" for touching Bella because he's down syndrome.  I can't be mad at "my friend" who was responsible for Bella when it happened  because we share the same social network. 

But I feel so angry. 
So so angry. 
I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown.

Spinning

My life feels like it's spinning out of control.

- Oldest child is out of control. Mean.

- I am feeling hardening towards Mr. Wonderful to protect myself from him.

- Togetherness 

- Middle child getting over looked. 

- I am hating my body.