How Do I Do This Again?

Okay, can someone help me out here?  I want to be a working partner in my marriage, meaning; I don't want to give up the fight, or give up the hope... I want to be IN this marriage.  However, I'm having a very hard time understanding how to do just this AND, at the same time, feel SAFE.

It seems that in order to feel safe in my marriage I have to detatch from Mr. Wonderful because, at this point, I am still hurt by his lustful desires to be with other woman.  It hurts me so much even though, I can tell, he is discouraged by his lustful desires.  Mr. Wonderful would snap his fingers, if he could, and make ALL of this MESS go away, but he can't.  And, although I realize that he is not proud of his sex addiction and all the pain, confusion, hurt, heartache and more, it causes, it still HURTS me.

Why?

Why does it still hurt me so much?

Does it ever get easier?  I mean, I have been at this (knowingly) with Mr. Wonderful for almost 6 years.  When does the pain subside?  When do I get my feet planted firmly enough on the ground that I just shrug and FEEL (not just say) this is your problem, not mine?

So, back to my question, if I want to be a "working" member of my marriage, but I also want to feel safe... HOW DO I DO IT?  Is it even possible?  Or, do I have to choose?

Choice #1:  Work on trusting Mr. Wonderful, work on loving him, work on being in the marriage, work on forgiving him but, as a result of your efforts and your desires, you will always be vulnerable to heartache and pain from the choices he makes.

Choice #2:  Detach.  Become your own self.  Become someone that doesn't care what he lusts after or what he "wishes he had".  Remove yourself from him giving him NO POWER to hurt you by his lame-ness (yes, that is the word that came to me here).  Stay in the marriage, raise your 3 beautiful children together, but become cold toward the marriage in order to save yourself from heartache and pain.

Wow... 2 wonderful choices... it's so hard to decide with options like these!  Sometimes I feel like I really am Alice, with all the choices to make but for no specific reason.  Do I grow here or shrink?  Do I have a tea party or follow the white rabbit?  Do I love my husband fiercely or carefully?  Do I love him at all?  Do I work on shutting off and becoming the Ice Queen so I can't be hurt?  What am I doing here anyway?

Life... why can't you slow down?

On a seperate note, I really need to work on my relationship with God.  I seem to have stopped trusting him and his plan when my world came tumbling down on DD1 and ever since then, all the other DD's following, I have just become less trusting of everyone and anyone, including Heavenly Father.

Alice