Lately, I feel as though I am constantly battling with myself.
I feel like I need to decide what path I am going to choose on my journey. What voice I am going to listen to.
And then sometimes I wonder if it's truly my choice at all.
But then I remember that - yeah, I do have a choice.
And then I resent the fact that - I DO HAVE A CHOICE.
But then... eventually, I am grateful that - YES, I DO HAVE A CHOICE!
And I am choosing.
I am choosing to let go.
I am choosing to forgive.
I am choosing to trust.
I am choosing to love.
I am choosing to give people second chances (and then third and forth and fifth chances).
I am choosing to see the best in those around me, even if (and especially if) they don't deserve it.
I am choosing LIFE and LOVE and FREEDOM and HAPPINESS.
I am CHOOSING to…
LET GO and
FORGIVE and
TRUST and
LOVE and
GIVE CHANCE AFTER CHANCE and
SEE THE BEST… in Mr. Wonderful… not because he deserves it.
I am CHOOSING to…
LET GO and
FORGIVE and
TRUST and
LOVE and
GIVE CHANCE AFTER CHANCE and
SEE THE BEST… in ME… not because I deserves it.
But because I want...
LIFE and
LOVE and
FREEDOM and
HAPPINESS
for ME.
I'm scared. But I'm ready. And I realize that this will be a choice I get to make every day… or not, but it's mine and I'm grateful.
"The Two Wolves" - A Cherokee Story
A young boy
came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an
injustice.
The old
Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at
times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow
for what they do.
But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy.
Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled
with these feelings many times."
"It is as
if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm. He lives
in harmony with all around him and does not take offence when no offence was
intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
But the other wolf, is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a
fit of temper."
"He
fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger
and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change
nothing.
Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because
both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit."
The boy looked
intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win,
Grandfather?"
The
Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed."
 |
| "The One I Feed" |
Which wolf are you feeding Alice? It's your choice. Always.
I LOVE THAT! :) I love that story! I need to decide which wolf I am going to feed. :)
ReplyDeleteCecilia, it's a day to day… or sometimes an hour to hour decision! We get that right I suppose!!! :)
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ReplyDeleteWendy Pan - it's okay to be angry. The more you lean into it the quicker you cycle through it. I suppose "pretending" not to be mad would likely be feeding that awful wolf in the end. I love you.
DeleteOh man, Alice. This is crazy-powerful! First of all, Amen, Amen, Amen! You deserve life, love, freedom, and happiness.
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to the wolf thing. I feel like I am constantly fighting the wolves inside me. I love that the end of the story says, "The one I feed." Which one will I feed? Last week I fed depression. This week, I'm trying not to. And I can feel the less I feed it, the more it stays at bay.
Thank you. You're a gem.
I love you Kilee! It's all about trying again and starting over every day. Good luck feeding the healthy wolf this week… I have a feeling you will be very successful. :)
DeleteThis is wonderful. I couldn't help but be struck by your picture... http://chainsoflight.blogspot.com/2014/03/who-i-see.html which seems pretty similar. I wish I could feel like there were two inside of me, instead I feel like I have it all put together on the outside, but the inside, the real me, is this.. the dark wolf. It is such a yucky battle. I wrote this two months ago, but I wrote about it again last week because my view is still pretty much the same..http://chainsoflight.blogspot.com/2014/05/i-am-of-infinite-worth.html. Even though my mind knows better, its not written on my heart..
ReplyDeleteYes Lovely Light, those pictures are similar. And I love your post on infinite worth. I go back to that talk when speaking to YW about eating disorders. It is beautiful. So are you.
DeleteI fear that, as I may or may not have learned in my attempt to keep gerbils as pets, that if one of the wolves does not eat, it will eventually get desperate enough to eat the other wolf.
ReplyDeleteI get the choosing thing. It'd be nice to have someone else make the decision, because so much energy is going into so much other stuff. But so many choices have already been taken from me-- I am grateful I do still have this one.
Amommyous, don't you LOVE/HATE the choosing thing? It's a painful realization to see that we still have choices when, like you said, so many have been taken away. It sometimes all seems like one big set up.
DeleteI think I'm going to choose to go back to living in oblivion about choosing :)
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