Dear
Mama Alice,
Listen,
you can do this. You have to do this, if
not for you, for your kids. Let me
explain some of the things you learned about yourself and your situation this
weekend at Camp Scabs:
You
are really afraid to love yourself. You
are afraid to accept yourself. But the
funny thing is, you are ok. You are
alright. You have problems. You have faults. You have weaknesses, but don’t give up because of these
things. Don’t believe that it’s all too
much, because it’s not. It’s hard.
It’s so painful. It’s so
scary. But you are NOT broken. It’s not hopeless. This is NOT stronger than you. It is true that you are a victim of some very
hard things that aren’t your fault but don’t let these things take over.
You can’t.
Do you understand the magnitude of this? It’s not just affecting you, it’s affecting
those you love and cherish more than anything in this entire world… those three beautiful children. And wouldn’t you do anything for them? Wouldn’t you give up ANYTHING for them? I believe you would. I KNOW you would.
What you
need to do now is be so brave for them.
You have to reach somewhere within yourself… somewhere that you have been very afraid to venture. Alice, you need to be stronger for
your kids... in fact, they need to see you
be fearless. You need to show them that
you can do hard things, and the best way to show them this is to DO those hard things.
You
have to love yourself… if not for you then for
them. Be with them. Have fun with them. Jump, literally jump, in a swimming pool with
them; or even better, the ocean. Live,
laugh and love (I know you hate that saying) but do it, and do it like you have never been wounded or betrayed.
The world can be scary but it can also be
exciting and adventurous and GOOD and HAPPY.
Find that… be brave… be fearless… and FIND IT! Do it for your kids. Do it for yourself. Do it for Mr. Wonderful (yeah I said Mr. Wonderful) he is trying… and you know that he is. He has a good heart with a problem. He is strong and he’s really, really brave.
Maybe the first brave thing you can do is tell him just how brave and
how strong you think he is…
and maybe even cry… because that would be scary and vulnerable and real.
You
can do this. And whenever you think you
can’t, think of those beautiful little children that adore you with all of
their hearts.
Oh,
and one last thing, TALK to those kids about what is going on. What I mean is, address the feelings in the
home for what they are. The kids feel
it, they just do. So don’t let them
believe that it is something other than what it is, don't let them believe it has something
to do with them… address it with them individually and all together. Build a relationship with them. Work to build their self-esteem and
confidence. Show them that you are brave
and that you can have a relationship with their dad. This is what will stay with them
forever. So, stop watching TV… stop needing so many breaks,
because let's be honest, you don’t need to have that many breaks. Be with your
children, be brave… love them and be with
them. It’s impossible to have no regrets… but you can minimize those
regrets by pushing through this.
You
can do this. DO IT! You are strong. Remember how strong you are.
Just do it.
Just do it.
You
are a great mother.
Alice
This is a letter I wrote to myself last year at Camp Scabs. I haven't read it since I wrote it and reading it tonight motivated me and scared me. I was kinda harsh… but I was real. I thought I would share it. I don't want to bury it for another year again.
Oh, and I haven't told Mr. Wonderful what I set out to tell him when I got home from camp.
I think I just froze.
And then I forgot.
But it's time to tell him.
It's time.
