Valentines in Wonderland

Valentine's Day today was great. Mr. Wonderful is triggered by everything. 

Last night we watched “The Heart of the Matter" and this morning he confessed to being triggered. 

I am grateful for his transparency but I'm also exhausted with this life. 

I just feel like nothing is ever going to be completely safe.

One Step Closer

I have been living with anxiety for the past few weeks.  

As I've leaned into the anxiety and really explored where it may be coming from I have realized that it is time for me to be brave and move forward.  What this means for me at this point in my recovery/marriage/life is that it is time for me to let Mr. Wonderful move back in to our bedroom.

Gasp.
Gulp.

As I write this my eyes fill up with tears.

I am scared  terrified.

I have been terrified from the moment I realized what I need to do to progress.  Because lately, I haven't been progressing, I have been complacent and comfortable and lazy.

I have become relatively satisfied with having my own bedroom, closet, bathroom, space, etc... away from Mr. Wonderful.  I have found away to create safety while living under the same roof as my husband.  I have figured it all out right?

Well, I did have it figured out...

But I am realizing that time keeps moving.
And with moving time comes change.
And with change comes adjustments.
And sometimes those adjustments are scary and hard.

I am in conflict with myself.  I want to keep things the way they are... comfortable, safe, controlled.  But I need to move, take the next step towards healing myself and my marriage.

I don't want to but I need to.  It's time.

I have reached my growth in this place and it's time to move to the next place and continue growing.

And the way I gather enough courage to move is by realizing that by doing this I will have answers.  Maybe the answers I get will break my heart, maybe they will heal my heart.  But no matter how I look at it, I will be set free...

Or be one step closer to being free.

Togetherness Phoenix

If you are a WoPA (a Wife of a Porn/Sex Addict) then you may really want to consider coming to this event...

http://www.togethernessproject.org

I promote The Togetherness Project because meeting hundreds of women from all over the country who could relate to my pain and my fears was, and has been, one of the MOST healing things I have ever encountered.

I know it's scary because I did it.  I was that girl that reached out to complete strangers not knowing if I would be judged or hurt or misunderstood, but I was desperate, so I jumped.

And I found the most wonderfully compassionate, non-judgmental, understanding, loving, empathetic women.  Now I lean on these women everyday, and everyday I am so grateful that I took a chance.

My life is forever changed, and for the better.