My Deepest Apologies

Dear "PHYSICALLY" Beautiful Women {according to Mr. Wonderful},

I specify the "physical" importance because this letter is for you.

I am sorry.  I am sorry that I have felt threatened by you.  I am sorry that I let myself feel inadequate and worthless while I was standing next to Mr. Wonderful as he was noticing you.  I am sorry that I hated you and that I wish you would wear more clothes in order to make ME feel more safe and help HIM with is addiction.  I am sorry I objectified you as a way to protect myself from you.

I am so so sorry.

This is not my excuse.  This is my explanation.

Mr. Wonderful promised me his heart.  He promised me his everything.  He promised me that I would never have to worry about "other women".  But Mr. Wonderful lied.  Mr. Wonderful has a long history of wandering eyes.  The hardest thing about this "wandering eyes issue" is that he compares what he sees (you beautiful women) to what he has (me).

Without you even noticing us, you are innocently threatening my marriage.  And so I have found myself hating you.

This is not right.  I was wrong.  I promise over the past 8 years I have done the work and educated myself to see the truth of the situation.  It isn't your fault.  It was NEVER your fault.  Your body, your hair, your smile, your clothing has NOTHING to do with my husbands choices, or mine.

I am sorry.

I'm not perfect.  I still fear that Mr. Wonderful may eventually leave me for one of you, I still feel threatened and fearful sometimes when I see you, but I am working on it.

Please forgive me.  This trauma changed me.
Before D-Day, I never had these fears or thoughts.

***If this post offends you it's okay.  It offends me too.***