I never had to make the decision of whether or not to tell my family about Mr. Wonderful's addiction.
Mr. Wonderful did that all on his own.
All himself.
I never had to make the decision of whether or not to tell Mr. Wonderful's family about Mr. Wonderful's addiction.
Mr. Wonderful did that all on his own.
All himself.
And as lovely as Mr. Wonderful was when he was constantly in his addiction, he actually told my family about his addiction years before he told me. {but that's another story}
My point and question is, for those of you that had to make this decision... who {if anyone} did you tell? And how did you decide who to tell? How did you know? And how did you do it?
I feel like who he tells in his family, is up to him. He's told some and not told others. And I feel like my family is up to me- although I asked him to tell my dad, I needed him to be accountable there. But, all of my other family, I told, as I was ready. Sometimes he was ok, he understood, other times he was angry and afraid- but I felt like it was my family, my support. I needed them. The majority of my family has been a great support to me.
ReplyDeleteI stayed silent for a year because of embarrassment and shame. I thought everyone would judge me and think iiii was the real problem since this is my 2nd marriage.
ReplyDeleteI more told people in baby steps. The first person I told was my brother in law. I mentioned how hard things were going and how I'm dealing with the same things I dealt with in my 1st marriage and I asked for a blessing. He then thought that maybe I relapsed so I had to clear that up real quick haha.
Then I told a couple friends.
Then a few months later I told my parents.
Then I talked about it with anyone who cared.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I felt like I was living a secret life. I felt like I was lying to everyone. Cuz I was. I was covering for my husband out of fear of what people thought. I was a phony and I wasn't being true to myself.
Turned out no one really seemed to care that I was married to a porn addict. In fact...now I have a couple family members wishing id shut up about it haha, cuz porn is "no big deal", right? ;)
Oh and I also told my husbands grandparents too. We went over there for dinner every couple months and they started questioning my behavior and picking up on the tension. Then I stopped going to their house altogether while we were separated. For a few months I urged my husband to tell them so that they didn't think we were ignoring them. They called and texted me a few times wondering why no one called them back.
ReplyDeleteI gave my husband a chance to tell them because it was his job, but I couldn't stay silent anymore, it wasn't fair to them and it was infringing on MY life. So I emailed them and they thanked me and were very very supportive about it. :)
My husband was NOT happy about it. At all ha, he may even still be sliiightly bitter about it, but I knew I made the right choice and was doing what the Lord wanted :)