Anonymity

Illustration - Kelly Zac

I felt like if I didn't express my heart I would explode.
That is when I decided to write.

Then, after going to the first ever Camp Scabs {back in 2013} and realized I wasn't alone.
I decided to continue writing but this time I shared some of what I was writing.
That is when I started this blog.

This anonymous blog.
Where Alice lives.

Since then, Alice has become a little less anonymous and it has been healing for me.

But, in some ways I wish I could go back to complete anonymity because, over the years, I have had a few bumps with a few people {and when I say few I mean less than 3} who know about Alice and this blog.

I've noticed that these {less than three} people have held me back, here, in Wonderland. Because here, I share so much of me, in fact, I share the most vulnerable parts of me and it scares me to give that to them, because I know that they come here to spy read.

I think they feel happy when I feel sad.
I think they feel confident when I struggle and doubt myself.

But I'm going to practice letting go of those {less than three} people.

I have been writing.  But lately, writing doesn't feel as complete as it did when I could share here.
When I would reach out. When I would let myself feel love and support from friends and from strangers.

I'm owning this.
And I'm changing this.