Dear Mr. Wonderful,
I need to start jogging again so you think I'm in the category of all the "other girls" that you find sexy and attractive. That distract your eyes and heart and take over your penis.
All of those "other" girls.
The skinny, tan, young, blonde, brunette, red, blue, purple women that seem to be more than me. All the pornstars that you think are unbelievable, all the strippers that I can never be, all the bodies you've touched and dreamed of touching that aren't mine. The random neighbors, random grocery store workers, hair stylists, the wives of your friends, etc…
The list never ends.
I feel like such a failure around you because of all of this. I feel like a waste of space, like I'm worth NOTHING.
It's suffocating.
It's debilitating.
It's debilitating.
You make me feel like a mistake. Like the world is better off without me.
And sometimes I actually believe this.
Today is one of those days.
Today is one of those days.
No comments ? Seriously , I can't believe I missed this . This is powerful , PERFECT and so exactly what I could write on way too many days for way too many years . Why do we keep at this ?!? I feel your anger , hurt , nothingness ; some days . Less the more distance I create , so that sure does show me crystal clear the " nothing " feeling is NOT from God , its from this horrid black hole within my H's heart that he kept trying to fill with " them ".
ReplyDeleteYou are not a mistake , YOU are terrific , and precious .