My Perception of My Marriage
BEFORE “D-Day”
"D-Day" stands for "Discovery Day" or "Disclosure Day" or "Day I want to DIE", etc...
Basically it's the day you realized that what you thought was real wasn't.
Who you thought you could trust you couldn't.
It was the beginning of the longest and hardest journey of my life.
A journey I am still on.
A journey I will probably always be on.
But it's okay because the world of unicorns and rainbows was never real and I wouldn't have found true happiness there.
What lies ahead is more genuine, more authentic, more pure.
Although this journey is ugly and complicated and confusing and painful... the best lies ahead.
Or at least the best ME lies ahead.
Oh honey, my heart aches for all of us that have had to experience a D Day or 2 or....? (In all honesty I don't know how many different D Days I endured before I finally realized my husband had an addiction after 27 years of marriage!.) I still don't think I'll ever know the depth of the real truth, but that is his burden to carry. We all grew up wanting the fairy tale. Sadly it doesn't exist, does it?
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your posts for awhile now. I wanted to tell you how brave you are. I admire the strength it takes to write this blog and be so vulnerable and brave. I'm sorry your marriage, and now divorce are hard. It breaks my heart to see so many shattered lives because of so many mens lustful desires. I don't understand it, I just don't.
I think you're very beautiful Wendy. I've never met you, I don't need to. Just reading what you write from your heart is evidence. Our spouse's need to stare and lust make us feel so ugly and inadequate, but we are not. There is so much more to who we are than our bust size (or butt size!) I am now a middle aged woman. I used to be young, thin and pretty. It didn't matter. It wasn't about me, but now that I'm older and its harder to see an aging broken woman staring back at me in the mirror, I can't help but mourn for the hurt, young woman that was so insecure and could never feel like enough. I've never been enough, I'll never be enough....unless I let myself believe it.
I love that quote by Elder Holland. Here's to being more genuine, authentic and pure, and the best lying ahead! Hugs to you.
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