it's not fair

Mr. Wonderful is a sex addict.  

I wanted to do everything in my power to give my kids the best chance they had at not being sex addicts.

So I asked.

I asked Mr. Wonderful what he thought would have helped him better as a child and a teenager.  I asked the professionals what the best things were to help my kids navigate their natural hormones, learn about healthy sexuality, and avoid pornography.  I asked the wives and moms of sex addicts what they thought the best avenues were when trying to talk and teach children.  I asked coaches and bishops and teachers and leaders.  I read books and articles and went to seminars and conferences on the topic.

I learned a lot.

And then came the part where I applied the things I learned. 

We took away the shame as we had/have open discussions about pornography and healthy sexuality.  We talk about natural hormones and what that feels like and what looks like.  We talk about respect and consent and accountability.  We read all of the books that were recommended to us with each child individually (Good Pictures Bad Pictures, 30Days of Sex Talks, Growing Up, etc... {all fabulous books by the way}).  We talked as a family and together set up internet and device filters to help prevent exposures.  We lovingly listen without reacting when our kids do come to us with problems and issues regarding pornography and sex {this one is so hard to do because inside I am SCREAMING in fear}.

WE DO EVERYTHING WE WERE TAUGHT TO DO… and it doesn’t seem to be working.

I find myself feeling a little hopeless, maybe even victim-y.
  
One of my children are struggling with pornography.  Some may even say that he is addicted.  I think that he is addicted.  I can’t believe I am having to go through this as a mom after experiencing it as a wife.  

I just need to sit here and feel sorry for myself for a bit. 

It’s not fair.

Bipolar

This past year things have been difficult and complicated and confusing. I wish I could say that things with Knave have improved, I so wish I could say that. I also wish that writing about my kids and their struggles was easy, it's not... that's why I haven't done it. There is a intuition to protect Knave, I didn't have that same intuition when I wrote about Mr. Wonderful, it was a lot easier to throw everything out there knowing that others were in my same boat and that we were all trying to help and support each other... right now I feel like I'm in my own boat, on my own island, where no one can relate.

Without going into too many details, I will say that things have been escalating with Knave and his extreme mood swings for a long time. It's been hard on the family, it's been hard on me, it's been hard on my other two kiddos, it's just been really hard.

In some ways I feel that I have forgotten to parent with boundaries because Knave can get aggressive and violent so I'm scared into giving him his own way just to keep the peace. It feels like he has hijacked our family.

Everything came crashing down this last week, the police came, the firemen came, the paramedics came. He was suicidal. He was homicidal. They took him away to a behavior facility, he stayed there for a week. I can't express how hard that week was. The mess we had to clean up, the explaining we had to do with our other kids, the anxiety, the fear, the unknown, and the most scary thing was when it was time to come home... what changed? How will things improve? How do I do this?

Knave was re-diagnosed with OCD, we already knew this, but his new diagnosis is bipolar.

Knave is bipolar.

This terrifies me.  What does his future look like?  What does our future look like?  How can we support and help him while keeping our other children feeling safe in their own home?

These are the questions that haunt me. I don't have the answers. We are getting help. We are in therapy, we have a behavior specialist to help Knave at home, we are working with the psychiatrists to get him on the right medication, we are investigating residential treatment facilities, we are doing all we can.

I hope it's enough.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's enough.

I don't know.  Is there anyone out there that can relate?

In all of this, his porn addiction has escalated.  He's taking more risks.  I feel so overwhelmed.

One thing that makes all of the difference is that Mr. Wonderful and I are connected, we are on the same page. Mr. Wonderful works on his recovery everyday and he stays sober and I am so grateful for that because I couldn't get through this without him.

Even in the dark there is light, even if it's tiny.

Peace

Knave is doing better.  

We went through so much with him while we were taking him off of old medication and putting him on new medication.  

That process is over. 

I am so grateful.  

We found the medication that works for him and he is a different person.  Not just a little different but night and day different.  I am so SOOOOO GRATEFUL for the medication but it also scares me how much Knave needs it to function in society.  

What is interesting is that Knave is less tempted to view or seek out pornography.  I am interested by this.  I suppose if his chemicals are imbalanced or things are out of wack {OCD} than medication could help with that. I suppose.

I find myself scared to trust this new normal.  Sometimes it feels like the calm before the storm around here but I am trying to enjoy it and live in the moment.  As a wife of an addict who has been traumatized by lies and secrets and slips and relapses, I find it terribly hard to enjoy the peace but I am working on it.  

Peace is the goal and my house is more peaceful since Knave started his medication and came off the unhelpful stuff.  

Man you guys {for the 3 readers that follow this blog} life is hard.  It is hard to be single, it is hard to be married, it is hard to be a parent... life is just hard.  But we keep moving right?

Stay or Leave

Sometimes when people hear my story they say, "oh I would NEVER stay around if someone did that to me" or "I would NEVER forgive my husband if the treated me the way yours treated you."  

I think they mean well but sometimes it hurts my feelings or makes me feel a little insecure.  

At times Mr. Wonderful was borderline abusive to me.
Maybe some wouldn't use the word borderline.

I don't think anyone should stay in an abusive relationship if they don't feel safe but I suppose I stayed in an abusive relationship that I didn't feel safe in.  

And yet, I am so grateful for Mr. Wonderful and where he and I am today.  

He's my best friend.
My confidant.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I would have left, I was so close to leaving.

In the end, I think everyone has a story and every story is different and everyone has the right to do what is best for them.  
Stay.  
Leave.  
It's all unique and there is no universal right or wrong answer for everyone.  

I'm so glad I stayed but I will support anyone who chooses to leave. 

I will also try not to say, "If I was in that person's situation I would do this or I would do that" because honestly, I don't know what I would do and it only hurts the people in those situations when I pretend like I do. 

Let's all love a little harder and judge a little less... especially ourselves.  

A Bikini at Church

We were visiting a different ward on Sunday because an amazing couple we know was leaving on a mission. 

During the meeting we were asked to stand and sing a hymn.  The dad in front of us couldn't stand because his little daughters head was resting on his lap while she napped.

This gave my 13-year old son and myself a perfect view of this man and what he was doing.

He was on his phone.  

Who am I to judge?

He got on Instagram and a girl in a bikini popped up on his feed.

Who am I to judge?  But my son noticed and looked at me.  I kind of shrugged and kept singing the hymn.  

The Instagram feed adjusted to being turned on and the bikini picture disappeared.

We kept singing and the dad in front of us kept scrolling until he found... THE BIKINI PICTURE AGAIN. 

He viewed the bikini photo that had disappeared too soon for his liking.  He even scrolled in to get a better look.

My son looked back up at me and by now I was fuming.  

Here we were at CHURCH. 

Where is the honesty? Where is the example?  Where can a mom and her kids have a break from the worlds agendas and influence?  

CHURCH?????  Nope. 

I looked at my son and said, "I'm sorry you had to see this.  It's not fair and I am sorry that this man, this priesthood leader is being a bad example of the power he holds."  

We kept singing.  

I wanted to reach over and grab his wife and hug her.

After the song I leaned over and told my mom what had happened.  She got even more fired up than I was!!!  She looked at me and said, "I'm saying something to him after the meeting." 

And she did.

She actually walked right up to him and asked if he had a moment.  They sat down on the bench and she told him what had happened.  She told him she wasn't there to judge him only to let him know of the situation he had accidentally put others in.  {but lets get real man, you shouldn't be zooming in at the stuff regardless of where you are}

The dad was uncomfortable and probably really embarrassed.  Our purpose wasn't to embarrass him.  He mumbled around and tried to minimize what he did {"the picture popped up, I didn't know that was going to happen"} but he did apologize.  I was grateful for the apology.

Mostly, I was grateful for my badass mom who was brave enough to say something.  

She was the true example that day.  And her grandson {my 13-year old} knows he's important enough to speak up for.  

What would you have done? 

Suicidal

Today the police came over... AGAIN.

This is the second time in 3 weeks.

Knave found out that he was kicked out of the only thing he is passionate about, the play Fiddler on the Roof, and he is so mad.

He deserves it.

He made a girl feel so uncomfortable that she didn't go to school today.

When I got the call from the vice principal I was in Utah for my cousins wedding.  I was surprised when he told me the things Knave was saying to this poor girl.  It was harassment.

It was sexual harassment.

I am embarrassed and hurt and confused and... this is not about me.

After Knave learned that they were taking him out of the play, he lost it.  He started yelling and cussing and throwing things.  He threw a chair at Mr. Wonderful.  Thank goodness the other 2 kids were outside.

Knave grabbed a knife and locked himself in his room.  He was threatening his own life.  I don't think he's brave enough to take his own life because he doesn't like pain but Mr. Wonderful was scared.

The police came.

The "crisis prevention" team came.

What do we do with him?  What options are there for us?  He is in therapy and group therapy.  He has a psychiatrist and he is on medication.  He is mentally ill... OCD or bipolar, we are still trying to figure this out.

WHAT DO WE DO???

We owe it to our other kids to create a safe place.  They deserve safety.

They are afraid of Knave.  They are afraid to be alone with him.  I don't blame them.  We never leave them alone with Knave.  They don't feel safe at home.

What do we do?

Hyperventilating

Today was hard.

I knew it was going to be.

Mr. Wonderful and I have a rule that if our kids get C's or below, they don't get to play video games. This has never been a problem but with the lack of effort I witnessed Knave putting into his school work this semester, it was inevitable.

And the day we found out that he got a C was today.

What makes me crazy is that these rules have been set in stone for as long as I can remember so when Mr. Wonderful picked up the boys from school and Knave announced that he got a C "but it was just barely a C so can I please PLEASE PLEASE still play my video games?" and Mr. Wonderful, instead of enforcing our already-set-boundaries answered, "we will have to ask you mom" it makes me want to pull my damn hair out.

Now I'm the bad guy for following through with our rules and boundaries.

"Dad would have let me it's just YOU, YOU RUIN MY LIFE."

"I HATE YOU"

"I WISH YOU WERE DEAD"

"GO KILL YOURSELF"

"YOU'RE A BITCH"

It was the "bitch" comment that sent Mr. Wonderful on a dead sprint towards Knave.

Then Knave took a swing and it all went crazy.

I cried.

Like the hyperventilating, I can't catch my breath, cry. 

Now we are in the car, a cute little family traveling out of state to make magical Christmas memories.

I want to crawl in my bed.

-->

My heart is broken right now.

My Dailies

Lately I have felt foggy.

I think this is what trauma does. 

It makes me feel foggy and confused and it creates a lot of self-doubt.

Pinocchio started therapy last week.  He is going 2 times a week and it is a sacrifice for our family.  It is a 3 hour round trip from start to finish and during that time my other two children are on their own.  It is also the MOST expensive therapy I have every paid for, so it becomes a financial stress on my husband and I.

But this is what we do as parents right? 

I don't know actually. 

But it seems like the next right step and that is my focus right now.

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Because this time feels so trying and so heavy I am really focusing on self-care and dailies.  For those that are interested, here are some examples of what dailies are:

Dailies (examples)

- Personal: 

     Keep a Journal

     Repeat Daily Affirmations

     Personal Development - start a new hobby

                                         take a community education course 

                                         express creativity such as art and/or poetry

     Recovery Reading or Step-Work

- Physical:

     Exercise - walk, bike, swim, hike, run, etc...

     Nutrition - plan meals

                     avoid junk food

     Rest and Relaxation - get adequate sleep

                                      limit TV time

- Spiritual:

     Prayer

     Meditation

     Scripture or Religious Reading

     Church Service

These are my dailies for the week... 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is REAL

I see him struggle as though he's being controlled by something else.

I see his frustration as his mind spins and spins and he is unable to adjust.

I see the hurt and confusion in his eyes when he can't stop but wants to.

It is as though OCD has a grip on him and won't let him free even though he is trying to break free.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is REAL.
And it's a bitch.

Prisoner

I feel like a prisoner. 

Even though I have older children, I can't leave them alone... not with Knave.

Not only do I fear that he will find a way to access pornography in our home {regardless of  having every filtering software known to man} but Knave has OCD and it seems to get more severe the older he gets.

He can often {very often} get stuck in his thought process and stuck in his ways.  If anyone upsets his expectations of how things are suppose to go {according to him} he can lose his temper and rage.  Recently he has shown aggression when he has these rages so I worry about leaving my other kids alone with him.

I feel like a prisoner in my own life.

I suppose I remember feeling like this when Mr. Wonderful was acting out in his addiction.  When he was lying and sneaking and minimizing and gaslighting.  I felt like a prisoner in my marriage and therefore in my life.

But with Mr. Wonderful it felt like an emotional prison.

With Knave it feels like a physical prison.

Both of them are awful.

I am working on solutions to remedy this situation because I don't want to resent my son.

Any suggestions?

Please! Handle with Care.

Photo by Disney

I have a vulnerability hangover.  

Sharing about Knave feels like the most vulnerable thing I have done in a long time.  

I know that many of you reading my blog know me, the real me.  And I know that some of you reading know me and don't really like me.  I would hope that you would be kind with my latest entree.  I would hope that if you are reading this you can hold space for my pain and my fear and hold love for my son. 

Please handle with care.

Meet Knave of Hearts

I don't know what to do about my son, Knave. I am learning to let go and to surrender but there is this line, this fine line because I am still responsible to keep my other two children safe. I feel like there is a good chance that Knave may end up accidentally exposing them to pornography and I feel like it is my duty to keep that from happening. So, where to I let go and where do I protect? What does this look like? Do I keep the internet shut down when I am away from home to keep this from happening or is that controlling? I feel like I am gaging uncharted territory as a mother going through this addiction with her son... it is VERY different than going through it with my husband. I am less angry and more concerned. I am more about mercy and less about justice. It is definitely different. Still, I feel some responsibility for my son’s addiction and I felt responsibility for my husband’s addiction. 

Here I am

I'm healing.
My marriage is healing.

But my heart is broken as the affect of pornography spread to another in my family.

This time it is my child.

We've done everything to educate and teach no shame and healthy sexuality like all the professionals recommend. I've read books and stepped out of my comfort zone to create safety and security for my family and my chil
dren.

We have filters.
We aren't rookies.

And yet... here I am.
With a broken heart.

By the Betrayed

I am sitting down and writing. I'm not sure how this will all come out in words on my computer screen but I am going to let my mind empty and my fingers fly.

A couple of weeks ago a friend called me and expressed to me some concerns she had. She was involved in a conversation when the topic somehow turned to me. She said she felt guilty for sitting there, listening, not saying anything about the fact that I wasn't there and they probably shouldn't be speaking about me. I appreciated her call. It would have been so much easier for her to say nothing to me and, most likely, I would have never found out.

The problem is, the things that were discussed were very personal and very intimate and not just only about me, but about my family. I shared these things a couple of years ago seeking help and support and I was very careful with whom I shared with. So, when this friend told me that these things were discussed I was so hurt and scared and shocked.

I want to protect the people whose names are involved.
It's not fair to them.

I reached out to one family member and told him what had happened. I told him that I couldn't guarantee that this would be the end of his story being spread. He said he understood but he seemed weary.

It broke my heart.

When this all happened a couple of years ago, this person encouraged me to reach out to others but he trusted that I would reach out to those who would honor him and his part in my trauma.

What do I do?

People will say to me, "Alice, you need to work on trusting people. I know you were hurt and betrayed but you can't let that ruin how you move forward in relationships."

Being betrayed by someone who understands betrayal is confusing.

Having trust broken by someone who understands how fragile and delicate trust is after a broken heart is devastating.

I need to remember that I carry many secrets and sacred stories of others lives in my heart. I need to remember that these lives aren't topics to be carelessly discussed with others. These stories are our lives, the lives of our loved ones, our most vulnerable selves.

Love and Betrayal

 It's finished! It's finished! 

In 2014 I was interviewed for a book that I was sure would never be published but GUESS WHAT?
It's finished! 

I haven't finished reading it but so far it is wonderful and helpful and educating.

Betrayal Trauma is Real.

Get yourself a copy and let me know what you think.

I saw it today at Deseret Book but I heard you can get it at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

Boundary Information from a LifeStar Therapist

Let’s get started on the topic of boundaries. I appreciate the questions about boundaries. I want to cover some basics to set a foundation to create some healthy really awesome boundaries or tweak some of the ones you may already have. I am assuming that we all are at various places with boundaries.

What are boundaries?

1. Boundaries are like fences between neighbors, they define the limits of the relationship. They provide safety and structure and define engagement that is appropriate or inappropriate in the relationship.

Boundaries help us to define how we respond in a healthy or unhealthy way. “I will do that“or “I will not do that“.  “I need this to feel safe“, “this is OK or this is not OK“. “I am willing or I am not willing to do that“.

FYI, these statements can be used for ourselves (internal boundaries) and others (external boundaries). We will discuss these two types of boundaries below.

The statements above are all examples of language that can be used to set boundaries.

2.  Will you take some time to answer the following questions?

a.     What is my position regarding boundaries such as do I feel that I have the right to create boundaries?

b.     Do I feel that wanting to create and implement boundaries is a selfish concept?

c.     Do I feel that setting boundaries can create safety and a healthier way to live life?

d.     Am I fearful of the repercussions? Repercussion such as escalation of my spouse’s acting out behaviors, activation of his defense mechanisms? Will boundaries create more disconnection and resistance? If so what are these fears?

3. The space we want to be when we are defining and creating boundaries is in an assertive place. Not passive or aggressive.

In the passive position we will appear weak and wishy-washy. In this position we are likely to be “eaten alive“by spouse, children, or others!

Coming from the aggressive place we will appear crazy and unreasonable. When our aggression subsides we will feel stupid and question ourselves.

In the assertive space we are mindful of our words and our thoughts. We have worked very hard and have taken time to create simple boundaries. We approach our significant others in a neutral space with respect. We set up a formal time and place where we can talk without distractions or interruptions.

We want to gain confidence that the concept of boundaries is healthy and will create safety and empowerment.

Overtime, we become familiar with the unhealthy when we are living with addiction. So when we make changes that are healthy we feel very unfamiliar and uncertain. This is normal. As a human being we have the right to feel safe, to be able to be a creator of an environment of thriving not simply surviving. REMEMBER:

”Boundaries aren’t something you do to another person.

Boundaries are something you do for your own self-care,

well-being and protection.”

4. WHAT BOUNDARIES ARE AND ARE NOT (the following are some examples):

Boundaries are to create safety and a space to thrive.

Boundaries are used to define healthy limits in relationships.

Boundaries are protection against repeated harm.   

Boundaries give us options.

Boundaries are not punishments.

Boundaries are not methods of coercing and forcing behaviors.

Boundaries are not ways to avoid dealing with pain.

Boundaries are not used to emotionally disconnect.

5. Let’s discuss two types of boundaries: Personal boundaries and relational boundaries.

Personal boundaries are about how we respond to our self-- meaning when we are triggered how we emotionally respond and cope; what you will do or won’t do when triggered. Examples include emotionally disconnected, zoning out or numbing out, we may punish, or try to control or micromanage the behavior of others. Personal boundaries allow us to make healthy choices in our responses in the face of powerful emotional triggers. You don’t share this type of boundary with your spouse. This is used when we are dealing with people who don’t care to hear about boundaries or who refuse

Examples of personal boundary statements:

“I can choose my responses to his slips or relapses. I do not have to allow my trauma to control how I respond.”

“Instead of punishing him for hurting me, I will take care of myself in a healthy way. When he has earned my trust, I will share with him my feelings and needs.”

I can decide when and how I begin to trust him again.”

“I will work on my own recovery, regardless of his commitment to his recovery.”

 “Instead of zoning out and emotionally disconnecting when I am in pain, I will reach out and share with others in my life who are safe.”

“I choose not to be responsible for his choices.”

 “I can choose to love and accept myself even when his addiction affects the way I perceive myself.”

Relational boundaries are most often set with the addict, but may also be set with parents, family, friends or kids.  Your relational boundaries define how much physical and emotional space you need between you and others. These boundaries define how you will respond when others act (or refuse to act). They keep you safe when others are not ready to keep you safe.

Examples of relational boundary statements you might share with your spouse in recovery are:

“Even if you decide not to stay engaged in recovery, I will continue to do my own work.”

“If you act out in your addiction and hide it from me, I will ask you not to sleep in my bed until I feel safe again with you.”

“I will feel much safer and more able to trust you if you are attending weekly 12-step meetings. If you choose not to go, I will be limited in my ability to emotionally connect with you.”

“If you try to blame me for your choices in addiction, I will let you know that in our next therapy session together we will discuss my concerns with our therapist. I will not argue with you about it or defend myself.”

“I will not engage sexually with you when I feel coerced or when you beg.”

“If you cannot work toward understanding how your addiction has hurt me, and if you continue to excuse your behavior, I will move toward separation from you. In this state of mind, your ‘addict’ self is not safe enough for me to be with.”

IMPLEMENTATION

1.    Decide on your boundaries — write them down.

a.     Get feedback for your boundaries before you share.

2.    Share your boundaries with XXX: “In order to maintain my own safety while you are working on your recovery, when you __________, I will __________. “

3.    If necessary, remind him of your boundaries to provide clarity.

 ENFORCE

1.     Slow down, breathe, and quietly decide how you will respond.

2.     Remind him of your boundary and that your response is about your own       emotional and relational safety. 

3.     Follow through with the boundary.

4.     Help him understand that your boundary is in place until you feel safe again, and not for a set period of time.

“My boundaries are how I protect myself

When you choose not to protect me.”

Ladies, I hope the information above is a reminder, starting place, review of boundaries.

Please answer the questions about your perspective and feelings. To create a boundary, start with a need that you have; safety, emotional, connection, communication, accountability…… etc.

Decide on the language from the examples above and below. Make sure you have a consequence … make sure you WILL enforce the consequence 99.9% of the time.

Before you share or implement please discuss this with someone safe and who has had some experience with boundaries….. GET FEEDBACK! Set a time to discuss the boundary.

Here are some more examples of boundaries:

1)  I have a right to rigorous honesty in my relationship.

Consequence: If I ever uncover a lie (withheld truth or half-truth of minimization) I will put myself in a safe place which will require a degree of live-in separation until such time as I feel secure enough to share a bed again.  The degree of space will depend on the severity of the dishonesty.  During the time when I have my space, I will work on my own self-healing.  [A live-in separation means separate beds and meals and activities.  No sexual intimacy during this time and no seeing each other naked.]  If my husband comes to me with a confession of dishonesty, I can enforce this boundary if I still feel any lack of safety.

2)      I have the right to detach from my husband’s addiction.

Consequence: If I find myself at all invested in my husband’s recovery efforts (hearing his plans, monitoring/policing him, seeking out materials for him or defining his needs), I will immediately remove myself and create a physical space between my husband and myself during which time I will select an item from my self-care list and will partake of it.  Exception applies to this boundary when I feel the Spirit prompt me to behave otherwise.

3)      I have the right to not live in fear of my husband –his temper or his rejection.

Consequence: When I feel these specific fears, I will honestly voice them to my husband, my Savior, and someone in my support circle (preferably my sponsor).  In the case of a loose cannon temper, I will ask my husband to leave.  If he does not leave, I will take the children and leave.

4)      I have the right to a sex life that is connection-driven and not lust-driven.

Consequence: If I feel lust in our sexual relations, I will halt any activity going on and honestly discuss my emotions with my husband.  I will not engage in any intimate activities without prior emotional connection.  I will honor my gut and my emotions as I strive to rebuild a new sexual reality with my partner.  If I feel pressure of any kind related to sex (whether from my husband or from myself), I will take sex off the table.

5)      I have a right to not be controlled.

Consequence: If I ever become aware that I am being controlled, I will honestly voice my awareness and make a stand to choose for myself.  If that choice is disrespected, I will honestly voice my awareness and take the space of two nights (at least) to sleep alone during which time I will reconnect with my inner sense of self in order to strengthen and fortify my confidence. 

6)      I have the right to not be manipulated.

Consequence: If I become aware that my husband is manipulating me, I will honestly voice my feelings and continue the discussion only in the presence of a third party educated in sexual addiction.

7)      I have the right to not be objectified.

Consequence: If ever I feel I am being used as an object to satisfy my husband’s addiction, I will create physical space between him and me.  Sex will be taken off the table and I will prayerfully decide when to reinstate it.

8)      I have the right to live with a husband in recovery.

Consequence: If my husband’s genuine recovery efforts stagnate or stop, I will take a break from the marriage.

9)      I have a right to be equal with my spouse.

Consequence: If my husband takes on a parenting roll with me, I will physically and emotionally detach from the situation either by excusing myself or ending the conversation.  If my husband takes a child roll with me, I will leave the situation to him alone to handle.

10)  I have the right to feel love for more than just my body.

Consequence: If I ever feel my body is the main source of attraction, I will take sex off the table.  If I ever feel pressure as concerns my body, I will excuse myself from the situation and turn the Lord in prayer and immediately thereafter choose one item from my self-care list and partake.

11)  I have a right to have a say as to what comes into my home.

Consequence: If there is inappropriate media in my home, I will turn it off.